I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
