I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you made out with another girl for some wings
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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