I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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