We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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