I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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