If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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