your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
