when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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