I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
