I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
