problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
