When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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