I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
