If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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