I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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