24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize