You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
