I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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