Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
