No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
