That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
