Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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