great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
