I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize