I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So squirting runs in the family.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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