I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
