YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
