Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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