he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
being pregnant is like rehab
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
