You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
