new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize