I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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