So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
