i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have fence marks all over my body
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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