It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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