when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
