His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
