We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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