I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
