yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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