I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
