I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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