its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Send help, water and tortillas.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
