I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
