So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
