the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
