Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
