did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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