i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
