real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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