Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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