dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
