i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
