i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
