Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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