Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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