The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
