you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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