this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
