i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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