I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
