I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
