People with herpes should wear stickers.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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