well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
