I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
