i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
