Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize