Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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