I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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