Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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